To the person who stole my cell phone

Why when something is stolen, why do we always refer to  the thieves as “they?”  They stole my _________?” “They” got my laptop. “They” got my shoes. “They” busted my window.

Well, “they” stole my cell phone today. I think they pickpocketed it as I was I was boarding the Metrorail in South Miami. Big bustle to board.  Probably was a team job.  In the pickpocket trade, they call call it, “distraction, extraction.” Bump you from one end.  Make a commotion.  And bing, it was gone from my backpack.  So much for being eco-friendly.

Anyway, I found out when I got to work and the phone was gone.  So I called phone. Went straight to VM.  Called AT&T.  They told me that either it was turned off or the battery went dead. I have 21 days standby time so I know battery was fine.

Three #’s were called on it when it was “missing.” 305-982-8299. 305-691-1931. And a 5 minute call to 305-303-4237 at 10:35 a.m.

I called all three #’s. The last one said it “must have been a wrong #.” I asked if you usually speak to people who dial you in error for FIVE MINUTES?” No good response.

So, I’m getting a new phone Monday. Here is a map of where my phone went since it was stolen.

Doesn’t help much but it makes me feel good and maybe impress you a bit. An attempt anyway. The good news is I had the insurance package.  The bad news is I took it where the sun don’t shine for $125.00 because this was a “special phone.” So thanks all around.

I think I’m going to enjoy my cell-free weekend.  And if you want to call the numbers above, please do. Tell them Mike told you to call.  Any ideas? Step up. ~Mike

10 Responses to “To the person who stole my cell phone”

  1. Anners Louise Says:

    ^ wow, typos.

  2. Anners Louise Says:

    i’d call and harrass them just but someone stole my phone too.

  3. alina Says:

    MobileMe buddy. I just got it. I can see EXACTLY where my phone is and send a message to the @$$ then whip the phone and lock it. it’s like insurance but called “I’m going to find you mofo”. #justsayin

  4. X Says:

    That sucks about your phone.

    What are you replacing it with?

    By the way, your photographic re-enactment of the event is very helpful.

  5. Betsy Soler Says:


    Somebody pick-pocketed my wallet as well this week in Brickell. Then they left my wallet in some condominium building…

    I think all these WMC crowds have brought a lot of tourists with bad intentions….

    I’m really sorry to hear about your cellphone.

  6. Everett Guerny Says:

    “Doesn’t help much”? Seriously, Mike? Unless I’m mistaken, it tells you where your phone is!

    Now, I’m not suggesting you go knocking on doors (though I’ve read harrowing tales of people who have chased down stolen iPhones using GPS coordinates), but have you considered passing the location onto the police? Sure, chances are they won’t care about your little iPhone, but if the thieves really are pros, the cops might be interested if they think they could bust up a whole cache of stolen goods!

    Just a thought.

    • Mike LaMonica Says:

      Thanks for ringin’ in. The police really don’t care about anything except donuts. And if there’s a murder, they might get yelled at by a supervisor to investigate the beheading.

      The geo-locator on my phone is good to withing 600 yards. So it makes it a bit challenging to pinpoint. I guess that’s more to see if you left it at work, home, the gym, etc. I am submitting a police report that they wouldn’t take after 5 on Friday tomorrow morning. Just so they have it. I hope you’re well. ~Mike

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