Archive for April, 2010

Introducing…Fivesquare!

April 26, 2010

For those of you who think that Foursquare didn’t divulge enough personal and intimate information, we introduce Fivesquare and the revolutionary Fivesquare Plus!

For just $2.99, Fivesquare, a uni-sex app,  will tell all your followers what type of underwear you’re wearing! Whitey tighties, boxers, briefs, thongs,  bloomers, hipsters, boyshorts, big ol’ Grandma Moses- the list is nearly endless!

And now for just a dollar more Fivesquare Plus Men and Fivesqaure Plus Women!  Fivesquare Men  let’s people know if you’re hanging to the right, left, or even if you’re going commando! For Fivesquare plus ladies version it even Tweets up if your “monthly friend” is here.

As an added bonus and for your convenience, both Fivesquare and Fivesquare Plus Tweet your location and vitals by default.  That’s right, pings and Tweeting are on!  You just check in and Fivesquare and Fivesquare Plus do the rest!

Please let me know what you think of this revolutionary new idea in Geo-location.  After this brief survey, we’ll be available on iTunes.  Thank you all for your input. This one’s been a long time coming. ~Mike

Dear Twitter- I am not for sale.

April 21, 2010

Lately I’ve been hearing a lot of blankety blank about advertisers about to descend on Twitter.  And I don’t like it. Please understand that I hate advertising in many places and that I make a rather good part of my living in the advertising and marketing business. I hate  it in the movies, planes flying by on the beach, all that stuff. And I don’t plan on embracing it on Twitter.

I’ve heard that there may be tweets jacking right down the middle of your stream.  I’ve heard that they might be auctioning off ad space putting ads off to the side. I really don’t care which is right.

I hope they steal a page out of the Facebook playbook.  Put ads of hot women all over the side of my page.  I must tell you it actually enhances my Facebook experience.  And I know how much all these women in these ads are just sitting at home doing their nails just waiting to hook up with me!

The headlines are particularly catchy.  That is partly why I haven’t posted up so much lately.  Been spending time with all these single moms, hanging at Cougar Junction and surfing with all the hotties. So there you have it Biz Stone.  Free consulting advice from a consummate pro.

BTW, I fully anticipate my Twitter account to be suspended. But you know where you can catch up with me.  So, what do you all think about the incoming advertising scuds on Twitter?  Let me and my ladies know ASAP! ~Mike

Where will you be at 3:30 today?

April 12, 2010

Coal mining is a tough and dirty business.  Even before you go near a mine shaft.

Governor Joe Manchin of West Virginia has called for a moment of silence at 3:30 today to honor the 29 miners killed at the Upper Big-Branch Mine-South. I hope you can join in.  Just for a moment.

Social Media is with them:  There is a Facebook fan page called “I support Coal and Coal Miners” that has 27,312 fans as of this writing.  I just grabbed the top post I saw and wanted to share it with you.

Ann Shelton writes,”Grandfather, father, father of my children…all coal miners…all died with black lung.  All were union men. Never complained about the hard work, were proud to be miners. Are there still men like this out there?”

Not me.

I also know the story of a man who killed himself in 1946 to support his family. This tells you what kind of people coal miners are.  Out of work and desperate, Ross Craig was seeing his children starve right before his eyes. So he hanged himself on his back porch to provide his wife and kids with the $90 a month from Aid To Families With Dependent Children.

I found a collection of last letters entitled: “Oh God, For One More Breath.” It is a series of final letters of Tennessee Coal Miners’ last words.  Here is one from 1902.

From Henry Beach: Alice, do the best you can; I am going to rest. Good-bye dear.

Little Ellen darling, good-bye for us both. Elbert said the Lord had saved him. Do the best you can with the children. We are all praying for air to support us; but it is getting so bad without any air. Howard, Elbert said for you to wear his shoes and clothing. It is now 2:30 o’clock. Powell Harmon’s watch is in Audrey Wood’s hands. Ellen, I want you to live right and come to Heaven. Raise the children the best you can. Oh, how I wish to be with you. Good-bye all of you, good-bye. Bury me and Elbert in the same grave. My little Eddie, good-bye. Ellen, good-bye. Lillie, good-bye. Jimmie, good-bye. Horace. There are a few of us alive yet. Oh, God, for one more breath. Ellen remember me as long as you live. Good-bye darling- Henry

I almost don’t know how to end this post other than to ask that you pass it on, pray for the miners and their families.  Thanks. ~Mike

I got outWozzed!

April 7, 2010

Woz, you’re my idol.  Love that you openly admitted that the iPhone has battery life issues. You solved it by getting two.

I really hope you have a skabillion bucks (I’m glad if you do, you deserve it). But Woz, let me break this down for my readers.  You have two iPhones. A Google Nexus One, a Motorola Droid, plus Garmin and TomTom GPS’s. Plus the navigation system in your Prius. And now two iPads!

I mean, I  kind of guilty myself. I have an iPhone, a Blackberry Bold with 6 hrs talk time and a Tom-Tom or else I wouldn’t even know how to get to Publix. I like the voice directions the British lady gives me. She sounds kinda hot. Kinda like Elizabeth Hurley with a scratchy throat. “Exit left and get on the motorway.” Trust me, it’s hot.

There are rumors that you cut in line to get your iPad.  I’ll give you a pass on that. You founded the company.  Apparently no one Tweeted that you called frontsies, but I forgive you.

Well Steve, you have outgadgeted me. But that doesn’t mean we can’t do something normal together. So next time you’re in Miami, let’s do something that’s normal like play Polo on Segways.  If you lost my number, Google me. ~Mike

So, what are the odds?

April 3, 2010

Played Lotto today.  Saw it was sumpteen million bucks so I snagged a ticket. Got home and wondered what the odds are.  So I did a reality check. Found a nifty little program that told me my odds are 1 in 13,983,716. Hmmm.  So I snooped around and here how the odds stack up with other stuff.

My chances of climbing Mt. Everest: 1 in 50,000,000. Feeling pretty good about my ticket. But I also have a 4% chance of never making it home alive. It looks up from here on out!

Odds of me becoming a billionaire: 1 in 1,000,000.

Odds of me getting a hole in one: 1 in 10,000.

Odds of being struck by lightning:  1 in 500,000. But 4/5th’s of the time I will live.

Odds of me being monched on by a shark: 1 in 10,000,000.

Odds of a squirrel stealing my keys: unknown.

Odds that I will slip in the shower and die. 1 in 2,332.

Odds that I will die via parts falling off an airplane:  1 in 10,000,000.

And that’s where I cut this  short. If some Boeing turboprop doohickey has a greater chance of striking me dead than I have of striking it rich playing Lotto, I’m out.  Until next week. ~Mike