Names for baby…2010

So you’re having a baby? Congratulations and good luck! As of 5:00 p.m. yesterday, there are 309,991,646 people in the United States.

Of course you want your child to grow, stand out and do well. These days and in foreseeable days to come, so much of doing well will likely be how high your child shows up in internet searches like Google.  “Basically, you want to own the first page in a Google search,” says Craig Agranoff, co-author of Do It Yourself Online Reputation Management.

“It’s a good idea to do a Google search before naming your child and make sure it’s a safe and an easily ownable name,” says Agranoff.

It’s becoming more and more obvious that what you name your child will help them stand out forever…in both a good way and possibly, the worst of ways.  Last name Berkowitz? According to, there are 7,888 people with that last name. G’head, Google Sam or David Berkowitz. The entire first page is owned by the notorious serial killer. But how about going with Jay Berkowitz? Jay owns the top 4 results in a Google search performed at the time of this publishing…before you get to the mass murderer. And Jay’s such a heavy hitter, I’d stay a mile away from Jay Berkowitz as well.

Last name Jordan and want to name your kid Michael?  Well, they better be the real deal because “Michael Jordan” owns the first umpteen pages in a Google search.  So I feel sorry for the other 2,991 people in the U.S. named Michael Jordan. At least as far as search goes.

Frank Zappa was more of a genius and prescient than we all think. Long before there were first names like Apple and Rumer, there was Dweezil and, as I was reminded by Agranoff,  Moon Unit. Try beating them in a Google search. Ain’t happening. I also feel sorry for all the people in Cleveland who thought it cool to name their kid LeBron.

Even Hollywood knew the importance of a good (or bad) name long before Al Gore may or may have not invented the internet. It’s called stage names. Who is Reginald Kenneth Dwight? Elton John. Jacob Cohen? Rodney Dangerfield. And today, Artis Ivey, Jr.? Coolio!

So chuck the names for baby books and help make a name for your cherub even before they’re born. Stay away from Mary or James. They’re the most popular (read common) names according the the Social Security Administration. What if you’re already blessed with a child with a common name? Good parental advice might be  tell them them to jump off an emergency slide and quit in a flurry of profanities. Or grab a white board, show some librarian cleavage and fake quit. They’ll instantly own the first page in a Google Search. There’s a lot more to this but that’s it for now. Good ideas? Your comments are always welcome here. ~Mike

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16 Responses to “Names for baby…2010”

  1. Matt Says:

    When my friend named his son Jake Roberts everyone replied the same way: The Snake? He had no idea. And my brother named his daughter Morgan Fay. Mt reply was seriously? He had no idea how similar it was to the with from Merlin legend. So Google searching a potential baby names is a great idea 🙂

    • Matt Says:

      Oh, and I have an Aunt named Janet Jackson, as well as going to school with a John Mcenroe. We always had fun with substitute teachers. We would put other tennis players on the attendance sheet and they would cross them all out, including Johns name, marking him absent. And my friend Howard Mandel, my 6 year old just looked at him and said: Like the Judge on America’s Got Talent. LOL

    • Mike LaMonica Says:

      Hi Matt, it’s not that they named their child Jake the snake. As I was doing my research for the article, Jacob came up as one of the most common names of all time (or something like that). I like the name but for the purposes of a Google search…not so good. Thanks for chiming in!~Mike

  2. Beer Drinker Rob Says:

    Excellent strategy, Mike. I think the one flaw in your argument is that anyone can change their name to a picture of YoGabbaGabba having upside down sex with Joel Kodner. You’ve heard of the former Prince. So your birth name means nothing, at least after 18.

    • Mike LaMonica Says:

      Someone having upside down sex with Joel Kodner would do nothing to elevate their results in a Google search. It’s too common of an occurrence. But thanks for your comment! ~Mike

  3. David Berkowitz Says:

    For the record: A) Son of Sam does not own the ENTIRE first page for David Berkowitz. Come on, give me a little credit. B) If there some less pleasant associations, you can always raise your kid to have a sense of humor. C) Sometimes, it’s not worth avoiding the bad associations. I’d much rather have the name of my grandfather, even if a serial killer happened to share it.

    • Mike LaMonica Says:

      Hi David, you get the credit and I stand semi-corrected. If you Google Sam Berkowitz, that’s where 11 out of 12 entries comes up with Sam Berkowitz. Further, I am well aware of the great work that comes out of 360i so hats off for standing out! I agree that the other 2,991 Michael Jordan’s MUST have a sense of humor as I’m sure you do you. As for legacy, that’s a personal choice and I’m glad you are proud to carry on your grandfather’s name. Thanks for your comments! I appreciate it.

      Quick plug to my readers, if you would like to see David speak at BDI’s Mobile Social Communications Event on September 15th, here is the link. Use the promo code MS for a discounted rate. ~MIke

  4. mobikeith Says:

    Well, I have to be grateful to my parents who showed foresight upon the births of myself and my brother just a decade after the end of our last GREAT war.

    Burdened by the Hebraic weightiness of the family name, Soifer, recognized immediately by the Hebrew “scholars” among us, my parents chose to counter this heaviness w good Anglo Saxon names for their sons.

    Thus, Keith (Scottish) Bradley for myself, Laurence Alden, for my sibling.

    Years later, my Anglo Saxon nameage would serve me well as I traversed the City of Boston for several decades. NOT!!

    But I digress.

    With everything so WEB-CENTRIC, aspiring parents might consider nomenclatures such as Webster5.0.

    You could get a little edgie and do Websta7.1.103

    Or how about just making use of numerical values. Like in JimSmithv1.3.01

    But since we will continue to live in a world dominated by the mobile platform, why not try something like SusanMotoDroidOSv1.3

    This way, when we meet someone for the first time, we would immediately know their most important mobile characteristics and this unique name would rank highest in search results.

    • Mike LaMonica Says:

      Hey Keith. What a great idea from a search engine perspective! It’s almost like giving your kid a web handle…but not so user friendly. Can you imagine the first grade teacher taking attendance and calling

      Quick photography story. One time I took a photo for a magazine and they asked me how I would like my photo credit to read. I told them photo by (305) 975-0700. Never got more referral calls in my life.

      BTW, I Googled SusanMotoDroidOSv1.3 and it’s all clear. I bet the domain is clear too in all suffix permutations. Have a great weekend and as always, thanks for checkin’ in. ~MIke

  5. JourneyOfNow Says:

    Good post. I had the opportunity to get .com names for both of my sons but I decided not to. For the life of me I can’t remember why I didn’t do it.

    • Mike LaMonica Says:

      Thanks Stephen. Get those domain names! Go DaddySales & Support (480) 505-8877.

      You never know. I have 6 for my son. Thanks for your comment and for checkin’ in! ~Mike

  6. Alisha Vera Says:

    What’s in a name? Born Alisha Haydn Berenson which is an odd enough name at a time that everyone was named Julie Beth or Jennifer Beth. Soon became Alisha Haydn Vera through marriage. Now, divorcing the Vera. So, who am I? I know that I answer to “Hey, you!” or “Yo!” — Will I become the next future Mrs. … So when thinking about naming your children, remember to think about future marriages, divorces and ultimately name changes like my brother did. He just decided flat out that he didn’t like his name and changed it. Period. The end of the Berenson name all together. I was thinking that I should just change my name to something like Moon Unit to mix things up a bit. My kids are even into the idea. So, what’s in a name?

  7. Eileen Says:

    I hope parents will instead urge their kids to own Google — and hey, the dimensional world beyond — by, say, finding a cure for cancer. Or something equally notorious.

    • Mike LaMonica Says:

      Hiya- All good comments as usual. Think, if they owned Google, they could buy most of the rain forest where all the cures for diseases are hiding. Thanks for ringin’ in. ~Mike

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